« But Jess, » you are saying after reading that headline, « Paul Ryan still drives the wienermobile. He also paddles the douchecanoe and pilots the U.S.S. Jackass. » To which I say, yes, he totally does. But in this case I am referring to literally driving the literal Wienermobile, as in the Oscar Mayer one. Ryan used to flog Oscar Mayer’s phosphate tubes in college, and they gave him the keys to the giant hot dog.
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